life | Social Networking, Online Communities and Everything Social

Archive for the ‘life’ Category

business vs. the creative arts

Thursday, December 10th, 2009

“the most important thing a creative person can learn professionally is where to draw the red line that separates what you are willing to do from what you are not.” – hugh macleod, ignore everybody

i’ve spent my entire life equally pursuing both business and the creative arts, and trying to “balance” left brain vs. right brain pursuits. we’re told growing up that we’re either right brained or left brained. creative or analytical. messy or organized. can we not be both? it’s one brain we’re talking about, right?

flashing back to my past…

business came to me naturally. entrepreneurship is in my DNA and I’ve been starting businesses since my Mom taught me how to make and calculate profit when I was five. math came naturally to me too. the process of solving complex problems gave me a rush, and coming to a concrete solution had a euphoric affect on me. always being one of a few females in the class, i derived satisfaction from naturally being able to compete and converse with my male counterparts. not much has changed today.

on the inverse, the creative arts are what captivates and inspires me. for as long as I can remember, when I wasn’t thinking and strategizing business plans, I was journaling my thoughts for reflection and understanding; photographing the beauty around me; drawing fashion design sketches; expressing myself through dance and the piano; and coloring, painting and creating any chance I could get. (not much has changed there either.) these were and are the moments when I feel a spiritual connection with myself.

for example: writing the first paragraph about business was easy, thoughtless and took about two minutes. writing now about creativity evokes this inner energy and a similar rush and sense of euphoria that solving calculus problems once provided. the difference is, the joy comes from the creative experience, the art of doing and the uncertain outcome and direction. i feel free, calm and at ease. with math, i want to get it right, i want to win.

when I start writing, it often leads down an unpredictable path. it’s not calculated and i love that. instead, it’s genuine and it’s real. it evokes passion and energy and is equally therapeutic.

for me, creative arts have always been my sacred time, or “amber time” as my friends know me to call it. business is what I pursue in my career (and I love it too!) but the set and range of emotions it evokes is different. this is where i draw my red line.

as i’ve grown and matured (and as I continue to do so), i’ve learned to take the emotion that the arts evoke and apply it in a business sense. i’ve learned to be more compassionate, understanding, flexible, and in control of only that which I can control. i’ve learned that making people feel is quite possibly one of the greatest forms of appreciation, and it’s what I aspire to do every day. emotionless business is boring. it doesn’t inspire and motivate long-term. instead, it crushes business. learning to balance the unpredictable and uncertain with the definitive and calculated makes business more enriching. rather than solely focusing on outcomes (though I do not demote the importance of having a vision, purpose and plan), what’s far more rewarding and sustainable (in my opinion) is focusing too on the experience and being open to opportunity and change.

Tags: art, business, creativity, gaping void, hugh macleod, ignore everybody, life
Posted in business, creativity, life | 6 Comments »

happiness = doing what you love.

Friday, November 27th, 2009

i hate cleaning. i hate doing laundry. i hate organizing.

i love clean environments. i love clean clothes. i love feeling organized.

as i was cleaning, doing laundry and organizing my life today, i realized that while i didn’t enjoy what i was doing and it took some self-pushing to put the computer away and get the clothes in the washer, i felt increasingly happy with each step toward completing the task at hand. i also felt happy for getting done, in a focused and consistent manner, tasks i don’t enjoy and usually put off as long as possible.

this perceived happiness is deceiving. it’s like going to work every day and hating the actual work that you do but doing it because of the outcome (money, fame, whatever). it’s living life for the wrong reasons, not knowing what to pursue, and not trying new things to determine what you do and do not enjoy. this is not to say we should irresponsibly avoid tasks we don’t enjoy doing (ie cleaning, laundry, organizing); rather, we should pursue our dreams and that which we love. the money (and ability to outsource that tasks we hate doing) will come later.

i’ve recounted in an abstract way how I live remarkably and I’ve shared a deeply personal story relating to how I live a happy life but what happiness really boils down to is doing what you love – in work and in life. finding a career you love, a partner who makes you feel complete, friends who positively influence you and hobbies that inspire you. i’d estimate that I enjoy about 90% of my daily activities. i gander this is why I’m so damn happy and cheerful all the time.

so in short, happiness = doing what you love. this seems like a simple and obvious statement, right? why aren’t more people doing it?

Tags: chores, happiness, life
Posted in happiness, life | 5 Comments »

be uniquely you.

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent.

colin wright of the exile lifestyle recently asked me to contribute to his upcoming eBook about being remarkable. the ebook — which in 24 hours has been viewed nearly 5,000 times — is a compilation of 100+ lessons and tips on living a remarkable life.

get your copy now.

my contribution:

The speed at which i think overwhelms me sometimes. I have many thoughts and ideas racing through my mind at all hours of the day. The more I explore and focus my attention on the people, sights and sounds around me, the more inspired and alive I feel. This energy is unlike any other emotion I’ve ever experienced in my life. It’s addicting. I call it my connection with self. It’s a combination of appreciating the remarkable world in which I live, allowing myself to feel the emotions involved with every new experience and moment, and then taking the time to internally investigate and reflect on my feelings for understanding. This is where I find my calm. When calm and connected, my racing thoughts become fluid, focused and actionable. I call this my intuitive path. It’s my life direction.

For as long as I can remember, this is how I’ve approached the world around me and this is how I actively live my life. This is what makes me remarkable and it’s how I live remarkably.

My advice to you… Be an explorer. Become immersed in the world around you and marvel at the beauty, design and colors. Monitor your behaviors closely and investigate your emotional responses for insight into who you are and where you want to be. The most strange, bizarre or seemingly incomprehensible experiences are often the most invigorating, meaningful and worthwhile. Chase these moments until curiosities exhaust or answers are found.

Chance discovery is standing before you. It’s the future knocking on the door. Be ready and hold on tight.

all in all – be uniquely you. discover what makes you remarkable and own that.

originality is an ‘ideal’ — it’s who people want to be.

authenticity is real — it’s who you are inherently. so be that.

welcome to the best life.

Tags: eBook, exile lifestyle, how to be remarkable, life
Posted in Personal Thoughts, life | 14 Comments »

Running as a metaphor for life

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

I used to hate running. Why? I didn’t think I was good at it.

I can still remember how I felt in middle school when the mile run came around. I dreaded it and looked for strategic ways to get out of running it (and often succeeded). I hated feeling like I wasn’t good or competitive at something that I wanted to be good at.

Tonight, I had the best run of my life. I felt strong, resilient, captivated by the moment, and eager to go further and further with every step. I felt confident in my ability to run, certain in my breaths, and eager to push myself as far as it felt right. I ran non-stop (minus a few photo moments – see left) for over an hour, loving and smiling through every moment. I didn’t once feel tired or as if I couldn’t keep going… In fact, I couldn’t wait to go further. Why? I stopped thinking about not being good at running. I just ran, freely, without thought about what I should be doing or what other people think about my form and speed… I simply listened to my body and did exactly what I felt was right. Wow! What a difference attitude and confidence brings…

If you know me well, you know that I bring exuberance and optimism to all that I do. I’m typically unafraid to take risks and try new things, and I’m always in high spirits. Running, however, affected me differently. It wasn’t until tonight that I truly understood the importance of attitude, confidence and state of mind…

In life, you can only do as well as you think you can. If you think you’ll fail, you will. If you know you’ll win, you’ll find a way. You’ll think less, do more, and learn along the way. How you’ll win might change, but you’ll adapt and modify accordingly. When something feels right, you’ll go for it. And most importantly, you’ll listen to yourself. Only you know if you’re heading in the right direction, seeking all of which you’re capable of, or if where you’re going is the wrong path.

Tonight, I passed at least 15 pairs of women power-walking. I couldn’t help but think to myself, as great as it is that they’re doing something, is this all that they think they’re capable of?

Tags: attitude, confidence, failure, fear, happiness, life, running
Posted in Personal Thoughts, life | 5 Comments »

I can read your mind

Sunday, September 27th, 2009

In life, connection is what makes life lustrous.

My roommate Gino and I were recently talking about the concept of connection and he enlightened me with his “checklist” of what he expects in terms of relationships with women. Beyond the expected smart, kind, attractive, expressive and so on is what he considers the most important quality – the “wild card.” It’s the ability to truly feel a mind-to-mind connection with someone. It’s when minds, souls and hearts unite, and you feel so captivated by the other person that conversation is compelling and free without judgement, interpretation or confusion as to what the other person means. You feel like you “get” that person, talking will ensue for hours without interruption, and often, when the other person speaks, their words are so aligned with the thoughts in your mind, it’s eerie.

To me, friendships and relationships that embody this atypical, lasting connection are the most important and unique. When they present themselves, they are pre-sent gifts to be cherished. Cherish them by immersing yourself in the moment and allowing yourself to become enthralled in that person’s reality because life will change and people will grow. Weeks, months or years may go by without interacting with this person but when they come back in your life, the connection never ceases to end.

I can count about ten people in my life that I feel this connection with. Growing up, I thought I wanted to have a ton of friends. What I’ve learned is that having less, more meaningful and intimate connections is far more valuable and fulfilling. Moments with them are always memorable and these experiences keep me smiling for weeks, months and years.

Tags: connection, friendship, heart, life, love, mind, psychology, relationships, soul
Posted in Social, happiness, life | 5 Comments »

You are remarkable

Sunday, September 20th, 2009

Every person in the world is remarkable.

The heroin addict who is trying to repress that which is causing them to experience negative thoughts, feelings and emotions.

The criminal who was unloved as a child and carries this deep, dark, unconscious fear that he’s innately unlovable.

The anorexic girl who always needs to be in control, doesn’t feel in control of her life, and controlling her eating is the only way she knows how to cope.

The bum on the street who is at such a loss that crack and begging for change (cracked out) is the only life he knows how to lead.

The generous, seemingly secure alcoholic who is so insecure with her emotions that the only way she knows how to express herself is after six drinks (in volatile form). She fears not being loved that much.

The executive who works 100+ hours each week, rarely sees his beautiful (and passive aggressive) wife, spends little quality time with his three delightful, impressionable and growing children, and thinks he is doing everything he can for his family.

Did you know…

“a person who experiences little real love from their parents may subconsciously insulate themselves from the memory of this with the fear that they cannot be loved, that they are simply innately unlovable. This is the deepest and darkest fear the human mind can carry and because it is so terrible, it will always be held subconsciously – away from our waking awareness. To escape from this terrifying subconscious fear, an individual will frequently attempt to prove to themselves and those around them that they are ‘bad’. For if they are ‘bad’ then this was the reason they did not receive love, not because they are unlovable. This is the true root of much criminal and delinquent behaviour.” (source)

How do you express love?

Tags: alcoholic, anorexic, behavior, bum, criminal, emotions, executive, heroin, life, love, parenting
Posted in life | 6 Comments »

She’s just not that into you

Tuesday, September 15th, 2009

This post is dedicated to all the great guys out there looking for a cool, down-to-earth girl…

Time and time again, I listen to the stories of my amazing guy friends who feel worked up and disheartened by not very cool ladies who are playing with their hearts. These genuine, driven and caring guys get walked all over by dramatic, unstable and inconsistent behavior.

Stop it!

If it’s complicated, she’s just not that into you, or frankly, she isn’t worth your time. When it comes to love and relationships, there’s no time in life for complications. If it’s not easy, it’s time to let go and move on.

10 Signs She’s Just Not That Into You

You think you can make her better — you cannot save a lost soul. A lost soul must save herself. You will make yourself feel emotional drained, exhausted and you will likely find yourself five months later wondering, “what have I been doing with my life?”
She takes longer than an hour to respond to your texts (more than 80% of the time) — girls get way excited when guys they’re interested in text them. If this girl likes you, she will excitedly respond within 10 or so minutes. (Granted we have lives and sometimes will not be attached to our phones, hence the 80%.)
3 exclusive dates and no action? — time to accept the friend card or move on.
She’s turned down hanging out with you more than 3 times or trying to hang out with her is really difficult — if she is interested and wants to see you, she will.
She never listens to you — if she only talks about herself, only needs you when she needs something, or shows little genuine interest in your life and helping you grow, bye bye lady friend.
You pay for everything, all the time — she should want to pay some of the time. If you’re one of those “old-fashioned guys” who wants to always pay, she should at least offer. Don’t let her drain the bank account.
“She just doesn’t know she likes me yet?” — Seriously? We know when we like someone. Beware of indecisive / not interested women who will use you.
You always have to make excuses for her — “oh, she’s busy… it’s a girls night… there’s a reason why she’s not answering my calls…” No, no. Move on.
You talk to her friends more than her — Soo you made in good with her friends? Thought it’d give you better odds? Her friends might “think you’re really nice” but it’s likely annoying the sh*t out of her.
She says “I’m just really busy right now,” or “This is bad timing for me.” — a.k.a. I don’t feel like you’re worth making time for. If she’s into you, she’ll make time and she’ll make plans.

All and all, it should be easy and when it’s right, you’ll know. There’s a lot of drama out there so keep filtering through it til it feels right…

Tags: advice, dating, men, relationships, women
Posted in Social, life | 20 Comments »

Generational gap

Friday, September 11th, 2009

Is Gen Y an arrogant and selfish generation who doesn’t understand or respect older generations?

Or are Baby Boomers jealous and resentful that they weren’t given the same opportunities as Gen Y?

Or is it just a matter of perspective?

Today, my 5:40 am walk to yoga class and chit-chat with Mom on the phone got a little heated. As I attempted to provide motivating advice, in my typical candid, assertive yet encouraging tone, Mom interpreted it as anything but inspiring. What resulted is the declamatory email exchange below (which we’re laughing about now).

Dear all 20 something, passion seeking, dream following, social media savvy young professionals!!

It has come to my attention that you think that your world has just evolved out of thin air. That you have all the answers and it mysteriously fell right into your lap!!

I must speak for the 40/50 somethings that have been there done that..worked our fingers to the bone to give you the ability to have the passion seeking, dream following attitude. As far as the rule of life goes or how I interrupted it, we give to the next generation and/or our children, a better life and better opportunities then we had ourselves. It is like the food chain and hopefully if the next generation is not so full of themselves they will be able to offer that to their offspring. We open our hearts and our mind to understand what it is you are passionately pursuing, please open your hearts and mind and understand that we have already been there and done that! Maybe in a different way but… done! We had a different opportunity presented to us in our 20 something stage of life. And that was…you are 18 now…there is the world…go get it! Period! And I think I speak for most of us!

So when you are talking to your ELDERS and wondering why they are complaining about the “economy” and having to “reinvent the wheel” of business — and in your mind you wonder why they are not actively pursuing their dreams — remember, we have pursued our dreams and you are our dreams!! Without us there is no you! So cut us slack please and ask yourselves, in 20, 30 years would you really want to be sitting in that back office interning for little or no money on your way to following your passion?! I think not! It is a rough time for my generation and although we are all thrilled with the intuition of your generation, don’t forget we helped you get there!!! Just saying!

We love and stand behind you 100%! Just stand next to us once in awhile and understand us as much as we understand you!

xoxo

Dear all well-established, hard(not smart)working, stubborn and successful 45 – 60 year old Baby Boomers,

Why do you become offended and outraged when we, Gen Y, confidently assert our opinion or interpretation of the world around us? It’s what you – our overly loving and pampering parents who did not want to make the same mistakes of the previous generation – encouraged us to learn and do.

Thank you for working your fingers to the bone to give us the ability to be passionate and pursue our dreams. And thank you for raising us with technology that allowed us to learn and grow at a pace much faster than any previous generation. We’re fortunate! Our generation isn’t pressured to get married at a young age, most everyone gets an amazing education and we travel from a young age because that’s the way you raised us. (Thank you!)

As a result, life is about us and making ourselves happy, making our personal dreams come true. Many Gen Yers aspire to change the world in a positive way – is that being full of ourselves? Just because most of us are actively pursuing our dreams, aren’t raising children and have learned to work SMART not hard, that doesn’t make us full of our ourselves. It makes us resourceful and ambitious. And frankly, when you accuse us otherwise, it comes off irrational, resentful, defensive and jealous.

So we think our life evolved out of thin air or that we have all the answers? Not so much. We recognize and understand your generation more than you think because we studied it in school. Instead, we think life is in our own hands and we’re actively pursuing that life we want to lead. We’re achievement-oriented, we have high expectations, we constantly seek out new challenges and we’re not afraid to question authority. Life to us is about meaning and creating value. Life to us is about enjoying the moment.

It’s not that we don’t think you’re not actively pursuing your dreams, it’s that we think you’ve lost your mojo a bit due to circumstances beyond your control. Living in a state of fear is no way to live at all. There’s always a solution in our minds and if you’re not happy, we think you should figure out the problem and solve it. Perhaps that’s harsh and seemingly impossible, but to us, there is no impossible. That’s just our mantra.

xoxo,
Gen Y

Final comment from Mom: Point taken! I guess we did our job well!

Tags: baby boomers, gen Y, generations, happiness, life, passions
Posted in Personal Thoughts, life | 8 Comments »

Overwhelmed and overcommitted

Wednesday, September 9th, 2009

Overwhelmed and overcommitted: two words that definitely don’t describe how the above image makes you feel. Two words that do describe how technology and instantaneous communication is making our society feel.

Sharing, connecting, collaborating and creating is possible every second of the day. The social web is revolutionizing how we work and live, and how society functions.

Social media has overtaken porn as the #1 activity on the web.

80% of Twitter usage is on mobile devices. People update anytime, anywhere.

There are over 200,000,000 blogs. 54% of bloggers post content or tweet daily. That’s 104,000,000 new pieces of information every day.

If Facebook were a country, it’d be the world’s 4th largest.

More than 1.5 million pieces of content are shared on Facebook every day.

And this is only the beginning…

Our values are changing. Our expectations are growing. Our output is increasing. Our free-time is decreasing. Our people are becoming obese.

The use of drugs like xanax to decrease anxiety and adderall to sustain alertness and focus grows rapidly each year.

We are becoming a society of overwhelmed and overcommitted, caught in a vicious cycle of go, do, more, faster, now… don’t stop pushing, you don’t need sleep, i will be better than you.

But at what expense?

We are becoming a society in which we text while driving, use cell phones at the dinner table, check our inboxes more than a dozen times…in one hour. Some of us have more than twenty online accounts, subscribe to over 200 blogs, and we use text, IM and Facebook as a means to avoid focused and one-to-one communication.

New tools and companies are introduced daily, designed to manage and filter through the noise, and recommend best practices for use.

What does this mean to society? What does this mean to the generations that will follow? Are there ramifications to our overly-connected and instantaneous lives? Can we live better with less?

(image source)

Posted in Personal Thoughts, life, technology | 10 Comments »